[sticky entry] Sticky: Friends MOSTLY

Jan. 15th, 2012 02:03 pm
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
THE DJAO'MOR'TERRA COLLECTIVE:


Picture of a little girl swinging on a swingset

Friends mostly! I still do a lot of public posts, but non-friends are screened by default.

BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER, READ THIS: http://fayanora.livejournal.com/838343.html

Buy my book! (science fiction)

Buy my dad's book! (nonfiction)

for existing friends )



(Click the picture to get at least an idea of the meanings. Only "ingenuus memes" are defined there yet. That and the opposites of the others.)

Friends mostly. Mainly means there's a bunch of content friends-locked. Also, non-friends and anonymous posters are screened by default. If you are an ass in your comments, your comments will be deleted.

Comment to be added. And if you're an old friend getting a new LJ, let me know that information.

Friending must-knows:

1. I do not tolerate myself or my friends being made fun of for any reason. If I find you have done this, you will be unfriended and banned.

2. I NEVER do friend-culls. If you find you've been banned, it's either a mistake or for the above reason. If you believe it to be a mistake, let me know.

Also, there are three stages here:

1. There's an "Acquaintances" filter, for people I don't know very well. Not much more they get to see than public does, but some things. If you never see any friends-locked entries here, let me know. It seems I have to add people to the Acquaintances filter.

2. Friends - They see the most.

3. Multiplicity - Ask me about this one. It's got the most personal stuff of mine.

Fun stuff and more information. )

Peace;
---Fay


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Dream

Aug. 24th, 2016 07:46 am
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
Had lots of interesting dreams last night. I don't remember much, but one scene stands out: a scene where Alex is talking with an obviously blind woman, eyes are milky. He's looking her in the eyes when talking, odd for him, and someone berates him for it; he angrily says "You look people in the eyes when you talk to them, that's the rules. Why should this be any different?" Then goes back to talking with her as before. She seemed to approve.
fayanora: DMT Collective Icon (DMTC)
Sometimes I think about things that happened days or even weeks ago. Last night I was thinking about something [personal profile] kengr asked once, maybe a week or two back. I don't remember the exact wording, but she basically asked how I manage to function with queunliskanphobia, IE fear (or rather extreme disgust/revulsion, in our case) of saliva. My answer at the time was something that amounted to "compartmentalization." I think specifically it was "I try to imagine it just doesn't exist," or near enough. But I was thinking again about this last night because I'd had my finger in my mouth and looked at the spit on my finger and didn't have a problem with it before wiping it off.

This isn't the only time something that usually bothers us hasn't bothered us. Like, the thought of blood can quickly make me feel weak and shaky and have to lie down for a while. But when I get a cut, the blood doesn't usually bother me. It's like, a cut happens and the practical part of our brain is like "Well this has to be dealt with." But there's more to it than that, even, because Pi ([personal profile] svaenohr) is aroused by blood, thinks about consuming it sometimes when zee1, er... you know... *waves hand dismissively.* (Zee was going to call it by the phillia name for it, but then we realized the word hemophilia is used for a disease, a somewhat misnamed disease at that. Pretty sure hemophiliacs don't like blood, unless it's staying put in their body. I would think hemophobia would be a better word for it. But that's a different disease.) When zee does this, the rest of us have to shut down and wait for zeer signal to return. We have to do this with quite a number of Pi's fetishes, to be honest.

Anyway, so several things came together in my mind last night, including what I'd mentioned above, and basically... the different people in our collective have different likes, dislikes, phobias, philias, etc. Which is something we never really realized the full implications of. But yeah, this means queunliskanphobia is Alex's problem; dunno who else in here has it, but at least one of us does not have that problem. Or, at least, not to the same degree. Just thinking about... the thing... can set off Alex's phobia. And it's impossible to predict when his influence is going to wane enough from the system to make it alright. So yeah, we try not to think about it.

So pretty much all of us have a revulsion response to blood, not sure what to call it now that they've stolen the only term I could think of for another disease (and I was astonished at all the various blood diseases that put philia on the end of the word, in the short time I dared try to find a word to replace hemophobia. Did the people naming those not know what the word "philia" means? And honestly, I wouldn't call what Pi has hemomania, either. It's not a mania, it's just a kink of zeers, one of many. A kink that the rest of us would rather forget about... along with most of zeer other kinks. If you're curious, you can pop over to zeer LJ/DW and look it up. Thankfully it is all in zeer mind only. Most of zeer kinks are pretty much impossible anyway, and zee knows better than to try the others. Pretty sure if zee tried the blood thing, even with someone known to be disease free, the rest of us would freak out and vomit and probably curl into a ball in the corner and cry.

But yeah, there's others. Alex and some of the others have cynophobia as well, a distrust of and fear of dogs. (Not sure who else, aside from Alex and Pi.) But Molly's reaction to dogs is "Puppy!"

That's all we can think of for now. But there may be others. It's hot right now, and we were tired anyway, so thinking is not a strong suit at the moment.


1 = "Zee" is our spelling of the genderless "ze" or "xe," to make the pronunciation more obvious. We also change "zer" and "xer" to "zeer." These are Pi's preferred pronouns, as zee identifies as agender (without gender).
fayanora: Steph bouncy (Steph bouncy)
On Facebook, I got into a discussion on thunderstorms, and I mentioned that I've never seen a thunderstorm since moving here in 2007. Another Portlander expressed confusion at this, saying he'd seen a couple. This is how I responded:

I have a different idea of what constitutes a thunderstorm. To me, one or two rolls of thunder or flashes of lightning isn't a thunderstorm. I grew up in Iowa, which is right between two rivers. Iowa knows how to make thunderstorms; Iowa thunderstorms are the stuff of legends.

It all starts because of those two massive rivers, the Mississippi and the Missouri rivers. Iowa's air soaks up water that evaporates from those rivers and holds onto it like it'll never see water again, and holds onto that water for MONTHS. You can't *drown* in Iowa's air, I don't think, but it's a close thing.

When Iowa's air finally gives up, when it can't hold onto the water any more (99.99% humidity, when you're practically swimming in the air), only then does it let all that water go... all at once. If the storm is in the daytime, you can go from sunbathing one minute to being right under a cloud so dark it blots out the sun entirely, and you think it's a moonless, starless night. Like, you go from sunny day to the darkest void of outer space in minutes.

Then there's a sound like the earth cracking open to unleash all the demons of Hell, only it's coming from above and sounds like it's an inch from your ear. Lightning makes it daylight again for a second or two at a time, every 30 seconds or so, and then all that water in the air comes down in like, an hour. At that point, you can kayak home. You can actually drown in an Iowa thunderstorm. Some of the slightly fiercer Iowa thunderstorms will actually suck you and everything around you off the ground, and deposit you in another county, assuming you survive. Iowa thunderstorms are so loud and primal that a tornado actually jumped right over our house once, when we lived in the country, and Mom was the only one who knew something wasn't normal.

I have actually seen a couple Portland "thunderstorms," and calling a Portland "storm" a "thunderstorm" is like slipping on a wet floor and calling it a 9.1 earthquake. Iowa's thunderstorms are so intense even Thor gets nervous around them. Calling a Portland storm a thunderstorm is - to me - like calling a very small hill a mountain. I would feel honored to die in an Iowa thunderstorm, it would be an epic way to die.

So yeah, I have high standards when it comes to thunderstorms.

Also, Iowa's pattern was to do exactly as I described every month or three. It never rained in Iowa unless it was one of those epic fucking thunderstorms. You wanted it to rain, you were asking for the mother of all storms to visit. The Hawaiians have Pele. Iowa has the thunderstorm version of Pele. I'm gonna call Her Pluvia Mortem.
fayanora: Steph book (Steph book)
Stop calling autism a disease. Stop saying "autistic symptoms" or "symptoms of autism." If autism is a disease, then so is being a man, or being a woman. If autism is a disease, then not being autistic is also a disease. If autism is a disease, then humanity is a disease. If autism is a disease, then liking music, or not liking music, are diseases.

Let's look at some of the traits of autism, the so-called "symptoms," shall we? Not making eye contact, that's a good one. You know what? If that's your metric for a disease, then you might as well say that everyone in Japan is afflicted with a disease, because their culture frowns on making eye contact with one another.

What next? Hey, how about "special interests." So we can't even have hobbies, now? You just called anyone with a hobby diseased, congratulations.

Going on... okay, so stimming. Oh hey, children do that. Is childhood a disease? Is anyone who bites their nails or taps their pencil during a test also diseased? Do you like a certain album or song enough that you've listened to it multiple times in a row? Or an iPod playlist? Does that make you diseased? Please tell me, I want to know.

Oh, and that old stereotype that we lack empathy? Utter bullshit. We have the opposite problem; we have hyper-empathy. We have so much empathy that it overwhelms us and we have to shut it off or shut it out to cope. Also, we may know what you're feeling, but knowing *why* you're feeling that way does not come easily to us. It takes a lot of work, and works best when we know someone really well.

Scientists have found that autism has always existed, it is as much a part of humanity as language is, or music. We autistic people were very useful back in the hunter-gatherer day, since many tasks we had to do required hyper-focus and an ability to zone out and not be bothered by menial tasks. And if all of you allistics would pull your heads out of your collective arses, we'd be very useful to modern mankind, if only you would take the time and effort to reduce the noise levels, both audio noise and visual noise.

The truth is, autistics have been with us since the ancestors of humans first came down from the trees. I'd be willing to bet it was an autistic person who discovered how to create fire without having to wait for lightning to strike.
You know what I think? I think we autistics weren't noticeable for a long time as being distinct from allistics, but as humans left their old ways behind more and more, and the cities got bigger, noisier, and more crowded, I think we who are autistic, we who fulfilled a niche humans needed in those days (and still do, in many cultures around the world) simply were not as able to adapt to the growing noise and crowding. So I think that a lot of what you call "symptoms" of autism are in fact symptoms of our distress at being unable to cope with a noisier, more crowded world.

Do I think this means autistic people can't live in cities? Of course not. For one thing, we do live in cities. In fact, (and bear with me here for a moment) I am a writer, and I have an entire science fiction world full of people who are very much autistic by Western cultural standards. They still live in cities, but their cities are quieter in terms of sound and visual noise, the lights are dimmer because their people mostly lived in forests (like many humans through time) until the cities started to come. And because of a quirk of their evolution making most of them autistic by our standards, they couldn't cope when cities took on traits like our cities, so they would redesign things until they could.

But yes, some of the autistic "symptoms," like say my being uncomfortable in my own skin and thus often twitchy or itchy, I think that symptom is actually a symptom of my anxiety... anxiety I got for being a square peg in a round hole. It makes me wonder how many other "symptoms" of autism are really the result of anxiety. Meltdowns are known to be the result of distress, people trying to force that square peg into that round hole. Any “therapy” that forces us to try to be like you allistics (quiet hands, restraint during meltdowns, any behavior that regularly gives us meltdowns to begin with, etc) are just as abusive as gay conversion therapy is.

So very many of us have had to shave our corners off to fit our square peg into your round hole, but then we get stuck. We don't work right, even when we kinda fit into the round hole, because we were shoved in there, we may have mutilated our minds to fit in, but we will never fit. We are not the disease, your insistence on curing us of an imagined disease is the real disease. Instead of trying to change our square pegs, why not change the holes so they fit you and us equally well, or give us some of our own square holes?

Autism is not a disease. And if you keep referring to it as though it is, I'm going to start referring to allism (that is, not-autism) as a disease.

Yes, the disease of allism. No really, that alien species I mentioned above, who are all autistic by our standards, on their planet there is a condition that amounts to allism. Symptoms may include:

* An unnerving fondness for direct eye contact.
* Lack of awareness or concern of personal boundaries; violates personal space regularly.
* Excessive desire to socialize, to an unhealthy degree.
* Unable to focus for very long on any one task.
* Gets bored easily.
* Unable to speak with strangers about special interests, partly for a lack of same; instead insists on discussing dull things like the weather, or gossiping.
* Seem to want to speak just to hear themselves speak, and wish others to do the same, with nothing of any meaningfulness being transmitted.
* Not only knows what others are feeling (which is normal), but has an unsettling ability to know WHY others are feeling that way, without having to be told. (Possible telepathy?)
* Paradoxically, unable or unwilling to accommodate the needs of others, often upsetting people in ways that were easily preventable, were they normal.
* Unnatural fondness for noise; must fill every available moment of their lives, practically, with sounds or with visual noise.
* Unusually and unnervingly quick to change things around, to fix what wasn't broken, often for no reason at all, or for shaky reasons. (Unnatural aversion to routine.)
* Does not appear to need the normal, natural comfort of stims, at least not to the same degree as usual.

You see what I mean? You can point at anything and call it a disease, but calling it a disease does not make it one. So STOP. CALLING. AUTISM. A. DISEASE!!! STOP CALLING THEM "SYMPTOMS," AND CALL THEM "TRAITS" INSTEAD! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE US! STOP TRYING TO MAKE US FIT YOUR EXPECTATIONS, AND CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS INSTEAD!

And please, please, PLEASE will you take the time to get to know us, listen to us when we tell you what we need you to do or not do to help us cope with this noisy, overwhelming world, and please have some of that empathy and compassion that you keep claiming is an allistic trait, because at least when it comes to autistic people, it seems to me that "lacks empathy" is more a symptom of allism than autism.

10

Aug. 1st, 2016 03:53 am
fayanora: SK avatar (SK avatar)
Today is the tenth anniversary of my moving to Portland, Oregon!
fayanora: Icky (Icky)
So [personal profile] kengr referred me to this post, in which the person posting says that Hillary will be a good pick because, essentially, she's skilled at politics, skilled at lying, cheating, manipulating, and stealing her way through the political system. This Gridlore fellow seems to think that this is exactly who we need facing the Republicans. (And I might agree, if she were a good and moral person otherwise, but she's a racist, a homophobe pretending to be an ally, and her policies make her basically a pre-Reagan Republican.)

Anyway, here's what I replied to his post with:

Me: You haven't seen House of Cards, have you?

Him: It's on the list, but I'm familiar with it.

Me: Well the main character in both UK and US versions of House of Cards sounds exactly like you described Hillary, and both of them were pretty disastrous for their countries.

My point is, we have no good options. We have Trump on one side, who hasn't the skills to run so much as a lemonade stand, has no morals, is a racist, is a homophobe, and doesn't take the advice of people who know better than him.

And on the other hand we have Hillary, who is more skilled at running things, and is more stable emotionally and politically than Trump, and appears to listen at least somewhat to people who know better than her, but who also has no morals, is also a racist, and is also a homophobe. The fact that she's a homophobe (given her record, the things she's said in the past, even as recently as a year ago) who is willing to pretend to be an ally to get votes is not an encouraging sign to me.

So basically, my point is that we're fucked regardless of who we elect.

I do think Hillary may be better than Trump, since the last time we had an entertainer in the President's seat, Reagan, he was the worst President we've ever had, slashing necessary social reforms, paving the way for the anti-abortionists to get power, and caused the deaths of millions by laughing about the AIDS epidemic.

But I think Hillary will be to the US as Margaret Thatcher was to the UK.

I don't know who I'm going to vote for. When Bernie was running, I knew. If Bernie or Elizabeth Warren had been VP for Hillary, I would be sure I was voting for her, because then she'd have somebody sane, somebody with a good, strong, consistent record to keep her more nutty ideas in check. But instead she went with the governor of Virginia, a man I know nothing about.

Alex seems to be convinced that the mere fact he's governor of a Southern state is enough to call him a horrible pick for VP. I'm more open minded, but I have to say I'm not at all sure who to vote for, because both options seem equally horrible, for different reasons.
fayanora: Icky (Icky)
On Facebook, there was this screenshot of a Tumblr page saying that only straight white dudes are saying Hillary is as bad Trump. So I responded thusly:

I'm bi and trans, and I too don't know who's worse, Hillary or Trump. I suppose Trump is worse, but Hillary isn't better by much. At best, she's more of the same quasi-fascism we've dealt with for the past few decades, ever since Bush stripped away a bunch of freedoms and Obama never brought them back. Beebe being so popular and then being cheated out of winning was, to me, like a trapped animal seeing a way out, then having it snatched away.

But yeah, Hillary is just as racist as Trump is, she just hides it a little better. And she's not really an LGBT ally, she's openly said before she's against same sex marriage. She's the consummate politician, willing to say anything to get elected, but will do nothing good once she's in office. She dies at least seem to know how to do things under the current rules. And Trump does not. He's an entertainer, and the last time we had an entertainer in the President's seat, it was one of the worst Presidents ever: Reagan.

##end of my reply##

Also, Alex is pan and gender queer, and he is always saying Hillary is little better than Trump, if not just as bad.
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is out as a script book! I just found out a minute ago and immediately went to OverDrive to see if I could check it out, and I can! I just have to wait for six people ahead of me to finish with it first. But that's better than paying $14.99 for the ebook version, or almost $30 for a print edition.

Rowling claims she's done with Harry Potter. Kinda sucks, as that's the only Rowling I care to read. Unless she starts a new fantasy series. All her other works are contemporary fiction, bla!

I think she should open the potterverse to other authors the way you see with Buffy, Star Trek, Wizard of Oz, and Doctor Who. You know, officially sanctioned fan fiction that's been properly edited and is canon.

Dimly

Jul. 31st, 2016 07:07 am
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
Just downloaded an app to my Kindle called Dimly, which makes the screen dimmer than defaults can. My light sensitive headachey head thanks whoever programmed it and made it free.

Fierce

Jul. 31st, 2016 02:18 am
fayanora: Djao'Kain (Djao'Kain)
I've never really understood this whole "masculinity = fierce" thing. You know, the strong, fierce, scary warrior type? Because:

A. My masculine side, growing up and now, was always the meek and gentle side. (Even Alex, who has a strong masculine aura about him and a lot of anger and aggressiveness, is the way he is because he's gentle and sensitive at heart and everything wounds him, and he can only deal with it by vacillating between anger and apathy. Though he's improving. And Ian, the only other boy in the collective, is so shy and sensitive and fragile that he never comes out of hiding anymore.) It's my feminine side that's fierce, strong, and occasionally terrifying.

B. My main deity is a Goddess of Chaos, and at least two others in the system identify as avatars of Her. While She does have Her softer side, I am empowered by Her fierce, terrifying side. Djao'Kain, in Her fierce and terrifying side, could face any masculine warrior type and make him shit himself in terror, even before She started turning him inside out and showing him his own beating heart, with Her eyes like amber lanterns, Her many arms (with clawed fingers) wielding many weapons, the look in Her eye challenging people to try to hurt Her or the ones She loves, and Her Chaos Fire.

I get a thrill of power when I access one of Her even fiercer Aspects, like Shao'MaHK, covered in blood and grinning like a madwoman, fire roaring out of control behind Her.

Yeah, you can keep your masculinity, thanks.
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
Coming home from Pride Saturday, I had this great idea for a drawing. I finally got started on it today, but after several hours of working on it, I gave up for the day because it's kicking my ass harder than pictures usually do. It's a particularly difficult drawing because it has two people in profile, and I loathe and detest drawing in profile, because I suck at it. Even with pictures to use as models, I suck at it. I can do it, it just takes about 100 times more erasures, undos, and tries/redraws to get it right. And trying to get their faces to line up with one another, when they're so far apart, is extremely difficult. Oh, and I got the first person done really well, but the other one still looks like a child drew it.

Then as if that wasn't bad enough, their hands are pressed together, and I had to look up pictures of hands in prayer to get an idea how to draw that, and that bit took over an hour. At one point I got so frustrated that I amused myself for several minutes by going "WoooooOOOoo I can draw hands!" and throwing in there the most ridiculous cartoony, squiggly hands possible, hitting undo, and doing something even more ridiculous. A lot of them were just squiggly lines, more like broccoli than hands. I got a real laugh out of doing that.

Still, I finally got frustrated enough with the picture that I gave up for the day, which is good. Because when things go well for me in drawing, I can do it for like 8 hours straight without stopping, but if it gives me a hard time like it did today... well, let's just say I was more exhausted by the three hours of drawing I did today than I've been from some of my eight-hour drawing sessions.

Though unlike my last drawing project, which I've not really shown anyone even though I'm very proud of it, and have only used it for an icon so far. (On LJ, it should be the default right now), this current one is one I will be sharing with others once I finish it, because it's about Gay Pride and Trans Pride.
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
It happened again today. It doesn't happen often, but it happened again today. What happened? Well, that takes some explaining. See, I'm partially face blind. Only partially. Also I have a shitty memory. What this means, for me, is that I have trouble recognizing people unless I know them well enough, and it takes me varying amounts of time to memorize faces, anywhere from a few hours (or a few instances of seeing the person, with some reason to memorize their face), to weeks or months. Once I have a face memorized, I can usually recognize them later. Not always; context plays a big role, and someone being out of their usual context can make me a lot less likely to recognize them.

Also, if I don't have any reason to memorize a face, it's not likely to happen. Since I don't really care one way or another about most of my neighbors, and never have, there's still a number of neighbors at my apartment complex who know me by name, and I have no damned clue who they are still, even after living here for a couple years, and then once before for another year. I live in concern that one of these days, someone who lives here, someone I should be able to recognize, will need let into the building because their hands are full or something, and I'll accidentally piss them off by not letting them in because I have no clue who they are. But in this neighborhood, it's not a smart idea to let in people you don't know.

Anyway, what happened today was the occasional thing of being out and about (specifically I was walking from one place to another), and someone starts talking to me like they know me, saying my name and stuff, talking about how long it's been since they've seen me, and I'm just standing there nodding and making noncommittal sounds and words, because as far as my memory was concerned, I've never seen this person before in my life. And worse, I know I was letting that confusion into my face; I didn't intend to, but that's what happened. If she noticed, she didn't give any sign of having noticed. Of course, thinking back on it, the two most likely possibilities are either that she's a member of the pagan meetup who doesn't go very often, or she recognized me from when I used to go to the Unitarian Universalist church. Although, we were on Hawthorne, so it's also highly likely she knows me via Lily, and I just forgot, because to be honest Lily knows a lot of people, introduces me to a lot of people, and I doubt I could recognize more than a handful of them.

Until that happened, my big post for the day was going to be how I thought I recognized one of my pharmacists while waiting for the bus. It was probably him; same height and build, same bald spot, same race probably, and I think it was the same face, but he was out of his usual context; if it was him, he wasn't in his uniform, and thus was out of context.

At least, I think he's Asian or part Asian, but I'm not sure. My ability to discern race is one of those things my partial face blindness messes with. About the only way I have to be sure someone is Asian, due to the similarity in skin color of many of them, is the eyes. And his eyes don't match what I know of Asian eyes, but they look different from "Caucasian" eyes, too, so I don't know.

But yeah, race is a weird thing for me. I mean, black people are kind of obvious, usually. But there's enough overlap among whites, Latinx people, and Asian people that I sometimes get those three confused; there are whites I mistake for Latinx, vice versa, and so on. And trying to determine the subcategories of races is pretty much impossible for me. Unless someone is one of those Hassidic rabbis, I pretty much have to take people's word on whether or not someone is a Jew, for instance, because most of them look either white or middle eastern to me. And I might be able to tell the difference between a Greek and other middle eastern people if I viewed some side by side, but otherwise, I can't tell. Again, if it weren't for the eyes, there's a lot of Asian people I would classify as white because their skin tone looks identical to the average "white" skin tone, to me.

Though to be perfectly honest, given my feelings toward humans in general, and the way I was lost in my own world growing up, it's pretty impressive I can discern that much. If things had gone just a little different for me, my partial face blindness might have made it so the only thing I could tell about race was three categories: Black, white, and in-between. And given that I already make a fair number of mistakes vis-a-vis race, I would be making far more in that case.

And since I don't pay a lot of attention to strangers, I'd be kind of useless if I needed to describe some stranger for the cops, if I witnessed a crime (or was the victim of one, possibly). About all I'd be able to tell them, I think, would be whether or not they were black, and their presumed gender. Like, for instance, "Well he was probably white, and probably male, but I don't know for sure on either count." "What about his height?" "Um... average, I think?" "Weight?" "Average?" "Hair color?" "No idea." "Eye color?" "To be honest, officer, I wasn't really paying attention. He just looked like a possibly-white male. But he could have been Asian or Latin for all I know." (Secretly thinking: 'Partially just playing the odds here.')

Bleh. Make this one more in a long list of things that make me feel like an alien from another planet stranded on this backwater rock with a whole species of crazy people.
fayanora: Steph Chloe Flapper (Steph Chloe Flapper)
Okay, so I finally figured out something that's been bothering me. I thought I was demisexual, then I wasn't sure because there was some conflicting info. But now I have it figured out: I'm demisexual in relation to men, but not in relation to women. So... I don't know if there's a term for that specifically, but that's what I am.

For those who don't already know, demisexuality is when you don't get sexually attracted to someone unless you form an emotional connection with them first.

Primer

Jun. 9th, 2016 01:47 am
fayanora: Steph Chloe Dartagnan (Steph Chloe Dartagnan)
I just watched the movie "Primer," in which some guys working in their garage accidentally invent a time machine that can only go back a few days at most (I think), and after experimenting with it cautiously, they start using it to try to make money.

It's a great movie, though it starts out a little slow. Then after a while it starts getting confusing. I think the confusion was intentional, given what the protags are going through, because the audience's confusion appears to mirror the protags' growing confusion as they lose track of their travels through time.

There are some questions I'm left with that might require me to watch it again, though I'm unsure how much more sense it will make if the confusion is indeed intentional (dunno if it is or not). Some questions I have:

SPOILER ALERT )
fayanora: Steph Chloe Cake (Steph Chloe Cake)
Apparently, malt vinegar soaked into bread makes a great cure for upset stomach. This is amazing news, because for years now, I've had to just suffer when I got upset stomach, because nothing would settle it, ever since Pepto Bismol stopped being able to do it. (Why my body doesn't respond to Pepto Bismol anymore, I dunno.)

Only down side to this is I kinda have to have something to cleanse my palate between bites, because malt vinegar soaked in bread is intensely strong, if you have several in a row.
fayanora: Steph bouncy (Steph bouncy)
Over the years I've come to know why kids hate bread crusts. Sure, I still find some bread crusts delicious, but others are dry and gross. But now I have malt vinegar to make them moist and delicious. Peel off the crusts, dip em in malt vinegar, NOM!
fayanora: SK avatar (SK avatar)
So I was doing reading for SMART (Start Making A Reader Today) at a nearby school from about November til last month, which is a lot of fun despite waking up early. It's been a few weeks since it stopped for the year, but apparently school is still going, I think. Anyway, I got an email from the supervisor for SMART at that school, for an opportunity to volunteer for this outdoor festival thing today (well, yesterday technically; Friday), being held by the PTA to raise money. So I signed up for the art table.

The place was HUGE. Held in the quite large playground/sports field area behind the school (an area taking up more square footage than the entire school itself, probably by twice as much), there were all kinds of games, a dunk tank, dancing, bouncy castles/bouncy slides, pony rides, food vendors, face painting, and more. Hundreds of people there, looked like a lot of fun. One of my two readers from SMART - the nicer of the two of them - came up to me twice to say hi to me. I didn't even see the other one. Though to be honest, I wouldn't have been able to pick either of them out of such a huge crowd. I, however, am rather distinctive; I probably stood out, especially in my bright pink dress.

Well the art table - once I found it after 15 minutes of asking around - turned out to be one person keeping a vague eye on "sidewalk paint" materials, and they told me they didn't need any help there, as it was such a mindless task. I got shuffled over to take tickets for the face painting, instead. This went well for a while; they had like, 5 different people painting the kids' faces. Then a bunch left, it was down to 2 painters, and the place was getting swamped. I was losing control of the line and getting frustrated by this; it's hard to maintain order when I can barely make myself be heard to begin with, I don't like raising my voice to kids anyway, and the noise level there was incredible. It finally got to the point that I decided to try my hand at face painting, and we'd take the tickets as people came up, since it was all at one table anyway.

Now, I wasn't sure how this would go. I am an artist, and while I can do my own stuff, I wasn't sure I could do someone else's designs. Luckily, they were fairly simple designs (like hearts and butterflies and stuff), and there were pictures of the designs right there, in full color photos. I did pretty well, actually. The biggest problems turned out to be not enough brushes, running out of red paint at my station, and wiggly kids. Also, a bunch of the kids wanted their lips done, too, and I had to be like, "No, that's unsanitary."

Was mildly annoyed by one parent's reaction to the hearts and stuff, which was to ask if there were designs "for boys," but instead of commenting back, I just pointed out all the designs, focusing on ones she might find acceptable for her son. But made up for that later with another boy when, after I gave my standard gender nondiscriminatory question of asking which design he wanted and giving a few examples (including hearts and flowers and butterflies), he asked for a blue heart on one side of his face, and some swirly lines on the other.

Anyway, fun as that was, I was also exhausted from the stress of having lost control of the line, and waiting around doing nothing before then. Plus the noise (both literal and empathic) didn't help, and it was also hot. Oh yeah, and I was hungry. Though I lucked out and was in the shade the whole time. Between that and the breeze, it was actually cooler there than it is in my apartment!

I just wish I had gotten up earlier so I could've wandered around and maybe played some games or something first. But oh well. Oh, and if I'd known they were going to have problems running out of paints, I might have taken my own face painting sticks with me. Would've solved the problem of not enough brushes, too, as you don't need brushes with the sticks. But again, oh well.
fayanora: Rinmarugames (Rinmarugames)
I got this Shittake mushroom dressing because it was one of the few dressings I can actually eat without getting the napalm shits, and I am SO glad I did. Just had a salad with it, and it's so very yummy that I had to use some bread to mop up the remainder at the bottom of the bowl. Yummy! I will indeed be getting this again in future!

???

Jun. 2nd, 2016 03:43 am
fayanora: Processing (Processing)
Watching a movie called Europa Report. Really good so far. My only problem is... okay, so on this space walk to repair something, one of the men's tether snaps and he goes floating off into space. There's only 20 minutes of oxygen, and the other guy had a hole in his suit and couldn't rescue him. But the thing is, don't astronaut suits have thruster packs on their back to move them forward back to the ship in case the tether breaks? Because that's a huge oversight on the writers' part if so.

Bad dream

May. 22nd, 2016 10:29 pm
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
Last night I had a dream(*) that I was at a Trump convention in a huge hotel, and he was parading this group of kids and adults on stage because they were "perfect American stock" and he was using them as an example of the kind of people who would be "chosen" when he became President. Anyone who didn't end up "chosen" would be "cleansed from the earth forever." I was backstage, trying to talk to the kids about Trump and how evil and vile he was (mainly because I didn't think there would be any point trying to convince the adults in the group) and I may have had some of them convinced, but then I got lost in the hotel and spent the rest of the dream trying to find my way out of the building. I had to wake up to get out of that dream.

(*) = I say dream because I don't often have nightmares. I do often have dreams that would be nightmares to other people, but I don't consider it a nightmare unless I get scared in the dream. I was concerned in this one, but not scared. I think part of me knew it was just a dream.

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