fayanora: avatar (avatar)
I have never reacted to caffeine in a normal way. I used to take it to try to keep awake, but it didn't work at all, yet I kept trying, and eventually I took so much I developed a very strong intolerance of it that lasted for a few years. Then I slowly went back to it, vowing to take it easy.

Now, I've recently noticed something odd. I've noticed that every so often, my reaction to caffeine completely changes. It's similar to how other things about me will spontaneously change, such as tastes I couldn't get enough of suddenly tasting weird or horrible to me, habits that were very strong for years suddenly being set aside for no reason I can determine. I used to be incapable of falling asleep without music, but then when I was in my teens, I underwent one of these spontaneous changes, and for months I couldn't get to sleep if there were any noise in the room at all. I still can't fall asleep if there is music playing, but after those few months passed, it changed again and now I need white noise to fall asleep, like the fan going.

But now I've noticed the same thing happening with my reactions to caffeine. I never noticed it before, but looking back I notice it, because of the change that appears to have happened. For at least the last few years, caffeine has acted like a depressant for me up to a point, then past that point I would get shaky and weak, the same symptoms as not having eaten for many hours, minus the stomach noises and sensations.

Now, though, my reaction to caffeine has completely changed once more; now I take just a little bit of it, and I feel like a very tight guitar string, with random parts of my body spontaneously jerking, a tense tingling in certain regions of my body I will not discuss here, even my jaw snapping shut without warning and clacking my teeth together or making me bite my tongue. This is highly unusual, I have never felt anything like it before to my recollection. I don't feel weak or shaky, like I would have before. But if I have any more than I've had today, I think I would probably suffer something else before I ever got to that point, so I don't want to try it.

What gets me is that this isn't just a spontaneous change in some mental habit, or a spontaneous personality shift, which is something I've known about for years. Up until now, I had a theory about those sudden shifts, that it's linked to my being a multiple. You see, along with the other fully-formed people living in my head with me, there are also what I call "soul shards" floating around in my mental landscape. These soul shards, whatever their origin, tend to coalesce into things, or spontaneously float into the control mechanism of our collective, attach to one or more of us, and have even coalesced into whole new system mates before; it's these soul shards that, we think, cause those spontaneous personality changes and taste changes. But is it possible that they can also be responsible for these spontaneous changes in physiological responses to things? Can they be responsible for the changing reactions to caffeine? Is that possible?
I think it may well be possible. I have had reason to believe, in the past, that things about my mind can affect the body in profound ways. My girlfriend Lily has said before that I smell different from other adults. She says adults smell musky, and children smell like fresh soil. And she told me that I smell like a mix of the two; not fully adult nor fully child, and from this I came up with the hypothesis of: "What if my childlike qualities - including the two childlike people in our collective, Molly Elizabeth and Ian - are somehow responsible for this mixed scent of mine?" That would be a physiological difference caused by a mental difference.

There's more. Alex, Pi, and Negarahn are physically stronger than any of the rest of us in the collective. They are capable of lifting more than the others. No matter how hard the others try, they can't lift as much as Alex, Pi, and Negarahn can. And even odder, Pi can lift more when zie switches to a feminine mode than when zie is in a masculine or neuter mode.

Sick dreams

Feb. 6th, 2015 07:23 pm
fayanora: girl crying 1 (girl crying 1)
I have a cold. And sometimes when I get sick, I have... odd... dreams. Flu dreams, especially fever dreams, are the strangest. Anyway, last night I had a sick dream. I dreamed I was so sick that my parents and my sister found me laying on the floor, catatonic, but when they tried to move me, I started shaking, retching, and making horrible noises, still unable to consciously move my body. It felt so real I thought I was awake.

IBS book

Feb. 6th, 2015 07:22 am
fayanora: moonphase anger (moonphase anger)
So I got this book from the library called "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Eating Well With IBS," and I'm glad I did. There's a lot of great info in here on other problems that can coexist with IBS, foods that tend to cause malabsorbtion issues (which can trigger IBS attacks, since malabsorbed things end up in the large intestine and ferment there), and I found out that soluble fiber is actually beneficial for IBS sufferers, which is a surprise, as I thought only insoluble fiber would help. Oh yeah, and high fructose corn syrup is a BIG no-no for IBS, because for one thing, fructose in general tends to malabsorb. I have a list of things high in fructose, to avoid. But luckily, it also lists a bunch of fruits that are higher in glucose than fructose, which is interesting because I had thought glucose was only found in animals. It's doubly useful because glucose helps the body absorb fructose. And cranberries are on that list! (Now I wonder if lingonberries are good, too.) Sadly, though, apples are to be avoided.

What made me decide to write up this entry is finding out that something called fructans is to be avoided, too. Fructans are chains of fructose. And guess what kinds of things are on the list of fructan sources to avoid? Only my old fiends garlic, onions, and leeks. Also asparagus, artichokes, and... *whines* WHEAT. :-( Anyway, that would explain why my body no longer likes garlic, onions, and leeks. Though I haven't noticed any issues with wheat yet. But I'll see if I can find other kinds of bread I can have, to cut down my intake just in case. Because I have noticed that even when I was being my most careful, my #2 is usually still soft. Ish.

Something called glactans - chains of the sugar galactose - means no more hummus because of the chickpeas. But I've been avoiding hummus anyway because it usually has garlic in it. Also, soy products have galactans. A bunch of other stuff, too; stuff I never eat anyway. Like brussels sprouts, cabbage, kidney beans, lentils, and wax beans.

Not being able to have dairy means I have to take in vitamin D from other sources. Also, here's the odd thing, they haven't mentioned casein yet. Just lactose. I might buy some lactose-free milk and see if that helps. Though I can't have cheese. Does cheese have lactose? Okay, apparently it does, but aged cheeses have less. Same with a lot of goat cheeses. I may have to experiment, it may not be casein I have an issue with after all.

Apparently, adding fiber to one's diet may or may not help, and in some cases - like with diarrhea-predominant IBS - can make things worse. I've had mixed results with fiber, so that's something to look for. Looked into this calcium polycarbofil the doctor prescribed me. Apparently it's a synthetic polymer that can absorb a fuckton of water, especially in an acidic environment. I've been taking two pills of it in the morning and two at night, and still have soft stool. Not sure what that means.

OMG, apples also contain polyols, a form of sugar alcohol, which can cause diarrhea. >:-|

Gods, but there's a fuckton of info in here. I may have to buy a copy.


Feb. 3rd, 2015 11:23 pm
fayanora: Steph fuck yeah (Steph fuck yeah)
I discovered that Campbell's brand beef broth and Campbell's brand Beef Consomme soup do not have any onion or garlic or anything else in them that I cannot have, due to my IBS. It will make for a good occasional treat to get myself, since I generally rely on Better Than Bouillon for my soups. Today I got some stew beef and the consomme and made a delicious soup with potatos, carrots, and celery; and spinach noodles. Cooked the stew beef in the otherwise empty soup pan first, then added the consomme, boiled a while more just to be on the safe side, then made the rest of the soup. Delicious!
fayanora: moonphase anger (moonphase anger)
For the past several months - I don't know how many - I'd been wearing the same two necklaces without taking them off, ever. Which is a bit unusual for me. Then the other day, I took the pentacle necklace off for the first time in ages, and left the 8-rayed star on.

But then today, I began having an urgent need to take the second necklace off. I struggled with the tie on the cord for a while, going into a minor freakout, trying not to panic, since the thing couldn't fit over my head and wouldn't come untied. I finally had to cut it off, which annoys me but I do have more of that pink cord, and I put the cut necklace into a ziping pocket in my messenger bag so it won't get lost.

What's more annoying, the weird feeling in my throat, and the feeling in my head - both of which are probably psychosomatic, but still concerning - haven't gone away. They got better, but they're still there. I don't know if the throat weirdness will go away until I swallow something, and maybe not even then. You see, it's this feeling like I have a pill stuck in my throat. I'm fairly certain I don't, but it's just one of those things that pops up every now and then with me, spontaneous irrational fears or concerns with no real cause as far as I can tell, that stick around for a while and then vanish again.

As to the feeling in my head... it feels like the feeling I get when I have to rebraid my hair, when my arms are up in the air making blood rush into my head and thus making my head feel weird. But I'm fairly certain it's a false feeling, my brain playing tricks on me. For one thing, it's more like a step or two up from the memory of that feeling. Secondly, my arms are not in the air.

Fuck it, I hate it when the random psychic flotsam and jetsam of the inside of my brain does weird shit like this.

Then yesterday, instead of going out of the apartment to do writing, I only got out long enough to go to Winco and get a few things there. Even that much was difficult, since despite getting 8 hours of sleep, I wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep more. Which is a bit concerning, because I did that a lot before I got my CPAP. I use the CPAP all the time when I sleep now, so I shouldn't be doing that anymore. Though if it only happens once in a great while, I'm not going to worry too much about it.

What IS a bit more concerning is that the last couple nights, I'll get so far along the path to sleep and suddenly feeling like I'm not getting enough air. I've been using the CPAP for at least 6 months constantly, every night, so I should not be having that problem anymore. Oh, and when it isn't the inability to breathe that wakes me up, it's something else I can't put into words that just startles me awake. I don't think it's apnea, with the pressurized air, especially since it does eventually stop happening and the rest of my waking up at night is just discomfort from my crappy bed that I really ought to replace because it's been crappy ever since I bought it, and while I got used to it for a while, my body has since decided it can't abide the thing anymore. I need especially to see if I can find a bed better suited to side-sleepers.

So yeah, my life is annoying.
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
A couple days ago I got some olive tapenade hummus even though it has garlic in it, thinking "Why not? It's not like I've been having normal BMs lately anyway, no matter how hard I've tried." I got it to eat with chicken veggie stuff I love. Used to make it with taco seasoning or other spices, now though, I make it with poultry seasoning and fresh basil and oregano. Good stuff. Cooked in peanut oil because peanut oil has a lower smoke point than olive oil. Amy also says olive oil makes stuff taste bitter, but she could smell an ant fart from a mile away, so I'm sure that affects how things taste for her. This batch of the chicken veggie thing, I used up a fuckton of the garden zucchini, also it has celery (for added fiber) and mushrooms. Spread some hummus in a tortilla or other flatbread, put the chicken veggie mixture in there, and make a sort of burrito out of it, yummy stuff!

Anyway, despite the hummus having garlic in it... either I was wrong about not being able to have garlic, or something in the hummus counteracts the garlic, because well... the last few days, the end results of my food have been the most normal they've been in ages. TMI ) So... maybe that means I should eat more hummus? I'm going to continue to do so for a while, to test the theory. So today I got more olive tapenade hummus, and also some more celery, in case it's the celery doing good things. Or in case it's the combo of the two.

Anyway, good to know that I seem to be able to have hummus. That was one thing I would have missed a lot.

Jaw problem

Jul. 1st, 2014 09:08 pm
fayanora: Steph hmm (Steph hmm)
There's something new going on in my right jaw, somewhere in the jaw itself. Not a toothache, but some other gods-know-what thing in the muscles of the jaw. I know exactly where in the mouth it is. Dunno if it's related to the jaw strain I've been having lately or is something else, but it makes chewing painful, no matter what side of my face I chew on. Got some off-brand Anbesol for it. Made my tongue go numb along with the place where the pain was, but it made the pain go away long enough to get to sleep earlier. Took over half an hour to eat two slices of pizza earlier, usually I can eat that in 15 minutes or less.

Probably gonna have to have a doc look at it. I think it's probably just like TMJ or something, but gods, it hurts. Only thing is, do I go to a normal doctor or a dentist? It's not a tooth problem, but it IS inside my mouth.

I think I have an idea what happened. The other day, I was chewing, and my temple muscles got fucking huge and swollen again. It hurt. I massaged them until they got back to normal size, but like the next day I began noticing this issue. It got worse yesterday.

Gods, I hate being a fragile meat puppet for my soul!
fayanora: Magneto (Magneto)
Went to the doctor today cuz when I chew on my left side, my jaw under my ear hurts. Looked it up online, one possibility was an ear infection. I had tons of ear infections as a kid, even had tubes in, so I went to the doc to see if that was it. Luckily, it wasn't. She commented on the scars she could see from the previous infections, but couldn't see any current infections.

Then she tried seeing if it was the teeth, even though that's not where the pain was. My gag reflex is strong, I've known that for years; can't even hold a pencil or piece of paper in my mouth without activating the gag reflex. But today I found out just how strong it actually is. Not only was her gloved finger causing me to gag, but also my OWN finger, when I tried it, did the same thing. And the finger was nowhere near the tongue, even. But we were finally able to rule out a toothache.

So no idea what it is. Possibly TMJ, but I doubt that, because I'd be waking up with my teeth hurting. (TMJ = grinding teeth at night.) Plus, they'd be worn down, and they felt pretty bumpy to me.

I suspect it's got something to do with A) Sometimes when I yawn, I yawn so hard I get a Charley horse in my jaw. B) Lots of chewing can make the muscles of my jaw hurt from the hard work, including the muscles at my temple.

Oh gods! I've just thought... it could also have something to do with the fact I've lately been chewing in such a way that the teeth grind the food forward and backward rather than up and down, which I started to do because chewing up and down was making the jaw muscles bulge painfully sometimes. That back-forth motion could be putting unusual stress on the jaw. Damn, I'll have to stop doing that and see if it helps.

CPAP again

Dec. 22nd, 2013 06:38 pm
fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
I am getting used to my CPAP at last, and it is adapting to me as well. Two nights in a row I got at least 5 or 6 hours sleep on the CPAP. My only problem now is that I don't turn as much in my sleep as I used to, so I keep getting woken up by pain in my side from being on it for too long. Still can't sleep on my back because the seal leaks when I do. For the time being, I am just gonna go with two sleep sessions interrupted by an hour or two of wakefulness. It's more natural anyway.
fayanora: Martha and Ten by mischief89 (Martha and Ten)
*sigh* There are a lot of weird things about my body. Like, caffeine is not a stimulant for me. Up to a certain point, it relaxes me. Past that point, I get the friggin jitters. It's a symptom of ADD, but I don't think I have that. I think I might have SCT, which stands for Sluggish Cognitive Tempo; many mental conditions only sound like me a little bit, but SCT sounds exactly like me (except that my Asperger's gives me hyper-focus ability at times). I'm going to have to ask my shrink about it. Which means getting an appointment made.

Also, I run hotter than most people. The other day, Amy was so cold she was wrapped in blankets and I thought it was just a wee bit past comfortably warm; 70 F is the beginning of truly uncomfortable for me.

Oh, and you know that whole thing about "take a cold shower" to get rid of horniness? Doesn't work with me. I take room temperature showers or cooler, and the colder the water, the hornier I get. (To a point.)

Also, the hotter it gets, the slower and duller I get, like a Discworld yeti. And likewise, the colder it is, the more alert I am, and the sharper my mind. (To a point.) Kind of weird, I guess, for the avatar of a fire Goddess. Ah well, Chaos Fire isn't like regular fire. It only *looks* like fire; it doesn't put out any heat. Chaos Fire is living energy that eats practically any form of matter or energy it can find, but prefers Creation Onyx. Anyway...

Cold only bothers me when I sleep. I need it to be 65 F at night to be comfy; any colder and I start dreaming about looking for sweaters, etc to keep warm. Only thing is, if it's hotter than 60, I can't easily get to sleep. (In summer, I have to sleep either naked or in undies, and have the fan on high. Even then, it's difficult.
I wish there was a way for the thermostat to start at 60 and go up to 65 once I fall asleep.


Nov. 2nd, 2013 01:33 am
fayanora: Hermione not amused (Hermione not amused)
I need fiber to keep my poop from turning to slush. The fiber supplement my doc prescribed me isn't cutting it. I am already getting tired of beans.

Also got Raisin Bran and some cheap Fiber One (chocolate flavor). So there's that.
fayanora: Fay doll icon by me, original pic by Lady Dark (Fay Doll still)
Last night I was shaving my legs and had this overwhelming compassion to shave my arms as well, so I did. It immediately felt more natural to me. I wondered, then, why that was. It wasn't until after I thought about how many feminists are against shaving body hair and will deride other women for doing so, that I realized it wasn't an issue of femininity to me; it is a dysphoria connected to my being otherkin. As soon as I realized this, it made sense, and I felt silly for not realizing it sooner. Ah'Koi Bahnis don't have body hair. The only hair they have is eyebrows, eyelashes, and hair on top of their head. Beyond that, no hair anywhere else. Their skin has scales so small you need a magnifying glass at the very least in order to see the scales, and this makes their skin smooth and cool to the touch, even though they are mammalian. Not mammals, because that is a Terran type of animal, but mammalian in the sense that they have (some) hair, and produce milk. They also have a placenta. Well, technically two placentas; a normal placenta, and a secondary placenta that connects the nervous system of the mother to that of the child, so their children are able to speak immediately after being born. Which I've long since known is why I find human infants... strange. And gross.

Mammalians on Traipah come in a lot more diverse types than they do on Earth, as well.

Body hair has ALWAYS been an issue for me. It didn't really bother me when I was a kid, since a child's "peach fuzz" tends to be so fine and almost invisible, but once it started getting longer and darker and thicker, it became an issue for me. It felt (and still feels) unnatural to me. I started shaving my legs as soon as I could. I didn't do my arms for a long time only because it would have gotten me bullied even more than I was, but I could not stand that horrible leg hair to be there.

Nowadays, I can go months without shaving my legs mainly because shaving just takes so much more energy than I have, usually. Luckily for me, my leg hair is still hard to see even when it's at full length. Same applies to my arm hair, even more so; I shave that very infrequently because it doesn't bug me near as much. Oh, and that reminds me, leg hair is also a body heat issue, too. I overheat easily, and I prefer my skin to be cool to the touch, which doesn't happen with leg hair there. Shaving cools my legs down, which is good.

I just wish I could get this damned leg hair to STOP GROWING. Same with the arm hair, too.

On a related note, I've always had dysphoria regarding my skin color, eye, and hair color, too. Because my Ah'Koi Bahnis side's skin color is a solid darkish amber color, with amber eyes and black hair. My white, freckled skin always looked and felt wrong to me. Like I was seeing a stranger in the mirror. If I changed to my ideal form in the night one night, I might be startled when I look in the mirror, and I might be worried about how it would affect my ID card and papers, but beyond that, I would finally be comfortable with what I saw in the mirror.
It's not a race issue, though; it's an otherkin issue. Ah'Koi Bahnis don't have human races, and skin color has no connection at all to race for them. The closest thing the AKB have to the concept of race is that there are several sub-species of their people. Which reminds me: one of the AKB races is a race called the Gwiimihn, and they were very short. In fact, they stop outwardly aging before they ever reach puberty; they look like children their whole lives. And I think when I lived there, I may have had at least two past lives there, because both Tiirgihn (basically normal adult human female in appearance, except for the eyes and the lack of body hair) and Gwiimihn body types feel "Right" to me. Like either one of them would be preferable, feelings-wise, than the body I have now.
fayanora: Martha and Ten by mischief89 (Martha and Ten)
Health notes:

* Went to a different Winco. Felt fine until I'd been in the refrigerated section for a while, then got that weird nervous-type feeling, but otherwise was fine. I wonder if my body was just confused, if it thought we were in the usual Winco in response to all that cold air. Either way, it was less intense, like my body wasn't sure.

* Going to the doctor's Thursday to see if the doctor can help me figure out why my digestive system keeps giving me problems. Also gonna mention something Brooke mentioned; she noticed I tend to walk on the outsides of my feet, rather than the insides. It might be causing me problems.

* Looks like I might be getting a CPAP at last. The whole story is a bit long, but basically, it occurred to me that since I now have expanded Medicare coverage, I should check if Medicare would change its tune about the CPAP. (When I became eligible for a state program that pays my Medicare premium for me, I figured why not change to the expanded coverage?) Their previous verdict had been that they would only pay for the CPAP if I got another sleep study, the third in less than three years. And since they hadn't paid for the other two, and the damned things are $2000 apiece, I was like "Well hell" until the other day. I happened to be in the area of my clinic yesterday, so I popped in to find out if I could get a CPAP from Medicare with the expanded coverage. Sure enough, it seems like the doc will just have to fill out and send in some forms, and then I should get one paid for by Medicare! They require a sleep study every 7 years, but apparently the last one being less than a year ago was good enough for them under the expanded coverage. So YAY! And if I recall, the one I've been prescribed sends data via cell phone stuff to the doctor. Which will mean it won't be able to send data at Lilla's house, the cell reception there is almost as bad as it would be inside of a Faraday cage. And occasionally worse.
Och, a sleep study every 7 years. Oh well, 7 years is long enough to save up a couple grand. In theory. And it will be a lot easier if I get into a low income apartment.

* I need to buy a cheap pair of flat shoes suitable for winter. Back when I was flush with cash, I bought some shoes at this one place. I don't remember how much they were, but something like $50 or more, and they were guaranteed to last two years. It has now been three, and they're still in excellent condition, but they have just enough of a heel that my feet don't like them; they hurt my feet. So I'm gonna get some cheap flat-soled shoes.

Uh oh

Oct. 1st, 2013 02:29 am
fayanora: Hermione not amused (Hermione not amused)
I made a post weeks ago about how every month on the first, I get this nervous-type feeling in my stomach that makes me almost puke throughout the day. It is my body's reaction to knowing we're going to be going to Winco, where there is something in the air that makes me sick.

Well, I was out earlier at about 4pm, on the 30th of September, and it was starting already. I'm wondering if I should go to a different Winco this time around.
fayanora: Elle Fanning by LJ user bitemeee (Elle Fanning)
Well, today I went four hours between meals and didn't have a single sign of upset stomach. Breakfast had been this chicken/pasta salad I made last night, slightly more than a bowlful. (Ate til I was full.)

Then last night, I lost track of time drawing and didn't eat after midnight even though I was up til 5 am. Went to bed without eating anything, woke up fine. Last meal I'd had that night: tuna salad sandwiches, the tuna salad being made from one of those big cans of tuna. I et the whole thing.

Thinking about this, I realized that my summer eating habits have been different this summer. Granted, I do usually eat less in the summer (heat is an appetite suppressant for me) than I do in the winter. But usually in summer I still try to bulk up on protein before going out and about. But I hadn't been doing that lately. The two above incidents have made me realize I've been eating generally very small meals low in protein this summer. Which could explain the "eating every few hours" thing. I'm still going to nibble here and there every few hours, but for my main meals, I will try to bulk up on protein, so eating every few hours doesn't become such an urgent thing anymore.


Sep. 7th, 2013 01:34 am
fayanora: pensive (pensive)
Wait, what? Did I just... did I just STOP upset stomach with ICE CREAM? *Checks* Well Hell's bells, I *DID*! @_@ I think, anyway. Can't be sure.

*Picks up jaw from floor, puts it back in place.*

Well that was interesting. Upset stomach caused by not eating, solved by eating. Well this should cut down on my Pepto Bismol usage, anyway.

Now the real question is, what other foods, if any, will this work with? Because though this is far from the first time I've eaten on an upset stomach, but AFAIK it is the first time eating on an upset stomach has made the stomach upset actually go away.
fayanora: Hermione not amused (Hermione not amused)
So observations from the last couple days confirmed for me that if I don't eat every few hours, I get upset stomach. I was fine all the time I kept to eating every few hours, but the ONE TIME today that I forgot to eat for more than a few hours, BAM: upset stomach. Fuck it all! Do you have any idea how fucking tedious this is going to be for me? How fucking tedious it ALREADY IS? Fucking hell.

And the worst part is, it doesn't necessarily stop for sleeping, either. I went to bed last night being just fine. Woke up a few hours later to use the restroom, and my stomach was upset! FUCKING TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST! I am so fucking tired of my touchy goddamn stomach and its fucking spoiled-rotten bratshit behavior! I am very tempted to just say "Fuck you, stomach. You will eat what I give you when I give it to you and be grateful you get anything at all, or I will refuse to eat on principle!"

Also, I can't eat less than an hour before bed without getting upset stomach, either. Nor go to bed while still full, if I ate too much earlier.

Between this, the semi-random headaches I can't find a pattern for, the occasional random diarrhea with no apparent cause, and the issues from my sleep apnea, I honestly don't know whether to scream in frustrated rage or cry.

For years, my issues with sleep (insomnia at night, unable to get enough sleep in the morning) have made me honestly wish sleeping were optional. I envy my sorceress character Lyria, who can take potions that mean she only has to sleep an hour a week. And I have long begun wishing, due to being poor, that eating were optional as well. I wish this more than ever now. I just want to remove my entire fucking digestive system and put it in a bottle, and live off of hyposprayed glucose and vitamin mixes. Or trade this piece of shit body in for an android body that is at least partially solar-powered. Because I hate being a human more and more every fucking day. And honestly, if I'm already thinking of eating and sleeping as "tedious as all hell" at age 31, how much worse is it going to be in 20 more years when I'm 51?
fayanora: Martha and Ten by mischief89 (Martha and Ten)
Well, I think I may have found a pattern at last to explain why I keep getting upset stomach. It doesn't explain every instance, but it explains most of them. And it's a weird pattern, but one that makes sense for me. Basically, I think my body keeps getting pissed off at me at my making a habit of going too many hours without eating.

Let me explain. This makes sense for me because it has happened on at least two other occasions. Or rather, two different sets of occasions. Occasion the first was that when I had to start making a habit of getting up at the asscrack of dawn for a job, though I was unable to get enough sleep most nights due to night-time energizing me and making it hard to get to sleep. My body didn't like this, so after a couple months of this it began to give me an upset stomach every morning I would work. This is why I started getting in the habit of eating even with an upset stomach, because if I didn't, my stomach would be screaming at me for food for hours before lunch and I would grow weak with hunger.

Anyway, so basically that pattern was that nearly every day I'd get up for work, I would wake up with an upset stomach. Then the weekend would come, and I'd wake up just fine, having slept in. Then the first day or two of being back to work I would be fine again, but the rest of the days in my schedule I would wake up with upset stomach again, no matter what I did the night before. No matter what I ate, when I ate it, how much I ate, or how much time I spent digesting before going to bed, most days I would wake up with upset stomach anyway.

Then the other known incidence-set of this behavior of my body was when I started popping No-Doz like candy in an attempt to stay awake at work. After a few months of that, my body began punishing me with migraines every time I had any caffeine at all. But it took me two or three more months to figure that out, because I was prone to migraines to begin with. And it didn't help that my migraine medicine had caffeine in it.

Just an aside for a moment, but this reminds me: the reason I kept using so much caffeine was because I was told by everyone I knew that caffeine is supposed to wake you up and energize you. But it has never had that effect on me. I used to think I just wasn't taking enough to get the desired effect, due to my being overweight. But eventually I have come to realize that caffeine has the opposite effect on me: instead of being a stimulant, it is a depressant for me.

I've noticed something similar with yerba mate. It does have an energizing effect for me, but it isn't very strong and it doesn't last long. Unlike with Amy, who says someone accidentally splashed some on her arm once and it made her hyper for hours.

Anyway, back on track now. So yeah, my body seems to have a mind of its own and likes punishing me when I don't do what it wants. Like, oooh! I remember another example: when I used to sleep for over 10 hours at a stretch at Brooke's, because I was using the very comfortable air mattress, I would wake up having to run to the fridge to cram something down my throat, because if I didn't, I would get weaker and shakier the longer it took to appease my stomach.

So yeah. The only pattern I can discern to these frequent stomach upsets is my body being ticked off at me. Or my stomach, at least. Because it most frequently happens on days I visit with Lilla, and on those days it can sometimes be as much as 7 hours between meals for me. I reckon I need something every 3 or 4 hours. And sometimes I've gotten the impression that my stomach became upset because when I finally did eat something, it was a banana or a piece of banana bread or somesuch, and my stomach would be like “You're fucking kidding me, right? We haven't eaten in 7 hours, and you think a fucking banana is going to make up for it? GIVE ME MEAT!!!”

It has occasionally happened at Brooke's apartment, too. You see, the bed that doubles as a sofa, upon which I sit when I'm over there (unless she's napping), is extremely uncomfortable, but rather difficult to get up from. Combine that with my Internet trance, and it can be hours and hours before I eat anything, even though the food is well within reach. Hell, I've sometimes gotten up to get food, had it right there in my lap, and forgotten about it as soon as I sat down again. So sometimes I've gotten my stomach upset with me at Brooke's that way.

And then other times, I suspect my stomach just doesn't like what I feed it. Or in other cases, it may think I'm eating too soon after having eaten already. The other day, I had a breakfast of slow-cooked beef, carrots, and onions, then a couple hours later at Brooke's I had some Chinese food from frozen and my body didn't seem to like that for some reason. I suspect my stomach was like, “Fuck ME! Why is it you always either take fucking ages to eat something, or you eat an hour or two after eating already? It's fucking feast or famine with you, you goddamn jackass! Stop being such a nooge!”

Oh yeah, with all those examples, with this new example, and with the recent revelation that my body reacts very negatively to that one particular Winco store, it's clear my body has a mind of its own. I guess I need to work harder at understanding its needs and wants.


Sep. 2nd, 2013 06:31 pm
fayanora: Hermione not amused (Hermione not amused)
I am SO FRACKING TIRED of getting upset stomach and having no fracking clue why!!!
fayanora: pensive (pensive)
Here's how important a single word can be: a single mis-heard, mis-spelled, or incorrect word in a sentence can make my brain go "WTF? o_O?" so bad it messes up the whole sentence, or even the whole paragraph.

Last night, Brooke and I had a relatively minor argument that was precipitated by my mishearing a single word badly enough that the response when I asked her to say it again made no more sense than hearing it the first time. The mis-heard word screwed up my understanding of the context so much that I doubt I would have been able to make sense of the sentence even if I could have heard the word properly in the response. And I think my brain was stuck on the misinterpretation, even though it made no sense, because even listening harder and trying harder to understand, that word remained the only garbled word to my hearing. And then I couldn't even explain to her the problem when we started arguing about it, because I couldn't remember in the heat of the moment what I'd misheard. I know now, though. She was trying to say she wanted to give the Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files cancer in the general sense ("I want to give him lung cancer," I think) , and my brain mis-heard it as "I want to give his [garbled word, some kind of organ, maybe "liver"?] cancer." I made a pig's ear of trying to explain what I needed repeating, because the first repeat was no more clear than before, and I didn't then realize that the context had been misinterpreted too.

Oh, I also found out I need to be more specific about what parts I need repeating. And I may need to start getting used to saying, "Say it again, differently this time," because I suspect this won't be the last time my brain gets stuck on a garbled sentence this badly.

And then again today, a comment on LJ. One word didn't make sense, and it destroyed my ability to understand that sentence.

EDIT: Okay, so I guess that was actually two words. I mis-heard "him" as "his," as well as garbling the word "lung."


fayanora: SK avatar (Default)
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